Please Advise Me What To Do

31

Hi everyone! I need your advice First of all,I want to say I have been suffering from serious depression now, and that makes me misplace items, forget things, etc I am the last born In a family of 4, I am naturally aan independent person,I like to take care of myself. . All my life I have not being myself, trying to make ends meet, going to school and learning handwork. While doing this, aside for my parents paying school fees, and giving me small money sometimes, I'm the one that take care of the rest of the bills through working while in Nigeria. My parents/siblings are 100% non supportive of things I do or skills I learn, and all they do is to condemn it and condemn me. I learned makeup and sewing, and I'm good at both. Many of my boss, I do free house chores for them so as to teach me well, and to give me time before completing the money I'm supposed to pay, sometimes,they insult me as they like even when I'm older than them, but I take those things with joy. So this started since 2010 when I entered the university,infact I don't have time to dress well,I just endured for all the years. Because I have the believe once I finish,I will dress well and look good, and do what I like, just like all others. I finished everything (schooling,skill learning),2years back, but when it's time for me to rest, my sister was doing wedding, for 4months,I was the one doing the up and down,no time still, then afterwards,there was COVID-19 lockdown,then when I should have time for myself,my sister want to pack to new house, I was with her for 2months, after I left to rest, she born,I was the one that was with her for months. All this times, any free moment I have,I use it to hustle. Now after she is fine and her baby is big,I left again to my house to establish my business because I'm pretty good at it, my other sister paid for my flight and I travel to the US, this my sister has never helped me or support me with anything before, and she's very rich (recieves 1million monthly payment),so the traveling thing was the only thing she has done for me. And before I travel, I spent another 2months doing stuffs for her,I was buying things, everyday in the market(she doesn't give me even transport fare o) so i finally went to the United States. When I got to her house, for three months, I am the one doing all the house chores, and taking care of her kids,while she leaves and do what she likes. Also in US, she didn't buy anything for me, aside the foods I'm eating, which I can't even eat what I want, and her foods are not what I would eat. I connected online and started doing makeup for few people,they will come and I will do mke up for them, that's how I get small money to buy the food I started eating after 2weeks that I got here. And some cloths and shoes that I sneakingly went to buy after taking the children to school. I literally become a single mother of 3 since the past 4months, and I sneakily buy the food I eat whenever she's not home. She tells me when to sleep and control my life. Living like this is crazy and I'm depressed everyday, because I can't even have friends,I don't have clothes,I am not able to exercise or behave like an adult. I'm still being treated like a 15years old girl, and I have not actually had the freedom I wanted since 10years back,I have been living on let me endure,etc. My sister is not allowing me to work because I won't be able to stay with the kid,and anytime I try to tell her I need to,she will be say she paid for my flights,she paid for that. I'm a legal resident (didn't just include the story). I will be 27years tomorrow, and I just feel like killing myself as breathing is difficult for me when I think back and see that I'm still suffering after many years. And I still can't live my normal life despite I'm well educated(started PhD before moving to the US), not handicapped and I have nothing less than 5skills. But I can't even establish them as I wanted, and not like I can't, and all I do is sit and play with kids everyday. That is depressing, it's painful to see people that aren't as smart as me,or as educated as me or as skillful as ass me living their life as they wanted,and me is just stuck, can't even eat what I wanted without sneaking it Now when I hear people die,I just feel like they are lucky, because I have been praying for death but it didn't come and I can't kill myself Note*my sister is not the one that cares or listen so please,no option of talking to reason with her

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