All rights reserved. © 2021. Ishilove. ************ So he wants to eat his cake and have it? Do you, Nenita Fulton, want to be a cum bucket? Okay, so you have made plans to meet at a hotel where he will enter you from different angles, and then after mind blowing sex with his really big dick (which I am sure is as big as your mother’s pestle), what next is on the horizon? You are each other’s palliatives so you will loot each other at will, but ultimately is that the life you want to keep living at this age? You are almost thirty two and time is no longer on your side so what you should be praying for is a young and single man dashing man with all, or most of the qualities you desire. He wants to remain in his marriage but have a mistress to be servicing. So what if he is the most interesting character you have met in your life, even more interesting than Tersoo? What you had with Tersoo was just puppy love. Yes, he has his sweet side and he is your friend, but can you hold a conversation with him for as long as you do with Ofili? Nenita- Yes, I could at a time. Tersoo is such a great guy but the good ones never seem to stay. Quadri really was just crazy. What we had was just wild, animal sex. In short it was a very physical relationship with the foundation being lust. Tersoo was the one who got away, and I still look back with regret and ask myself “can lightening strike twice in the same spot?” So far so good it has struck twice but it is blinding, this lightening. It brings brine to my eyes and gall to my aching heart. The temptation to be his mistress is so great but will you be friends with the world and an enemy to the one who keeps you alive and gives your life meaning? Can you boldly and confidently sing praises to God with the knowledge that you are living in sin? Sharing another woman's husband with her? Nenita- He says they live like room mates and have not been intimate in a year. Oh please! That is no excuse. How long does he want this 'arrangement' to last? Nenita- Oh, how do I escape from this misery that so threatens to tear me to pieces. My heart yearns for him, my body longs for his touch and his voice soothes and caresses me. If he was single, I would have called him my last bus stop, but alas, he is very married and is not ready to leave his marriage. He may never leave his wife for you so don’t hold your breath. What he plans to do is remain married to Tope while keeping a mistress who may eventually have one or two children for him. Nenita- I refuse to be anyone’s mistress!!! My mother was not a mistress and by God I will not be one. I love him, I am in awe of him, but I cannot be a mistress. I just can’t. That is basically accepting the destiny the devil has carved for me. I refuse it and by God I will fight it with all of my being. But it is just so…so difficult because I have never met anyone as wonderful as this man. I can be myself with him and I feel like there is no secret I cannot tell him. Why do the ones I want never seem to be the men I get, and this one I want is not mine but belongs to her. He says he is afraid that when we become sexually intimate I will cling to him, and I know it is true because I will start asking him for things he cannot give me. He can give me sex, friendship and perhaps in time, material things, but what I desire the most he can’t give me: marriage, and I want to be married. I want my children to be raised in a traditional home setting like I was raised. I want them to feel the same love and warmth from family that I felt while growing up. My heart is hurting and I am once again deeply, deeply disappointed. Aquila disappointed me, Quadri disappointed me even though that one is as poor as a church rat and godless to boot, Tersoo disappointed me, yes he did!! He could have fought for what we had but instead he chose to run into the arms of that semi-literate, fat faced swine, and now, Ofili, the one my heart wants cannot be mine. I refuse to be a cum bucket. I am just so so tired of this hurt. I am tired. I don’t know what to do anymore. How do I fight this enemy and why has God chosen to remain silent? Why all the bitter disappointment? WHAT IS MY CRIME? It is so hard, but I refuse to be a cum bucket and a concubine. It is hard and I need all the help I can get because I am weak and I don’t want to fall. When I hear his voice, I fall to pieces and I have no strength to fight. God I need help. I am so so hurt, bitter, frustrated and confused. Please, help me so that this raging desire does not consume me. I am sad and I am bitter. And I am tired.