Talking about life after sexual abuse at childhood by a family member encapsulates pretty much. There is the "how do we recover from sexual abuse, trauma therapy, sexually transmitted diseases, Stockholm syndrome, hypersexuality as a result of abuse,talking to loved ones after sexual abuse, dating after sexual abuse,how long does it take to recover or heal.... Honestly the afters of sexual abuse by a family member is unique for every victim or WARRIOR I’ll prefer to say. You are a warrior not a victim. You know, while I think that the after effect of childhood sexual abuse is different for every warrior, permit me to say that the duration of abuse and number of abusers would definitely influence how every warrior would be affected. In my own case, I had one person abuse me a couple of times. There are cases of strong warriors who were gang raped once or some persons had two or more persons molest them over a period. Whatever the case, while some warriors would take charge of the effects, it takes some others quite some time to even come to terms with the reality of what has happened. In no particular order, Let's quickly talk about some of the after effects of childhood sexual molestation or abuse by a family member. 1.Coming to terms with reality: the natural aftermath of sexual abuse is coming to terms with one's new reality. Usually, the warrior is in shock, withdrawn with a lot of questions going through his or her mind about what's happened. The feeling of shame or even blame on themselves. This is quite a difficult phase... 2. Depression: Depression isn't a strange phase after a sexual abuse. A bubbly child can suddenly become withdrawn,sad, unhappy dealing with sexual molestation. An observant parent, guardian or teacher should notice this sudden change. Children who are helped on time with the right people, therapy and care do better at healing 3. Medical concerns: medical concerns such as rape trauma syndrome, or others that may affect the fertility level of the child later in life can be really devastating especially when the chances of a solution is thin. 4. Pregnancy: older female children in their teenage years could fall pregnant leaving them to not only deal with the pains of being violated forcefully, but become parents to children as children. When not properly handled by family members or guardians, this could change the course of the warriors path for life. Some could hate the child as they are only a reminder of pain and agony. 5. Nightmares: personally, I've had to deal with nightmares mostly about my abuser for years. While that has drastically reduced with conscious positive thoughts, I still have them once in a long while. I think that for people with strong imaginations and have a thing through dreams, there is a high possibility that they have to deal with nightmares for a while. 6. Sex drive (hate sex or hypersexuality): just like every other experience, a first experience of an activity definitely influence how you see it. For some people, the sexual molestation at childhood go on to affect how they see sex. When no therapy is done to correct this, the child grows up to hate sex as it only brings back bad memories. This has affected a number of people in marriages. For others, sexual abuse triggers hypersexuality. Let me give an example with a new born baby who normally should have exclusive breastfeeding within the first 6 months of birth. Say that rather than breast milk, the baby is exposed to water, a little soft drink, or adult food here and there. The chances that the baby will go back to exclusive breastfeeding if those things are withdrawn will be a herculean task. This is the same for some warriors. Their sex drive is activated before they are of age or ready. I settled with masturbation when I discovered I had become hypersexual. I know stories of children as young as 10 years of age who had to patronize prostitutes to handle this urge. Some has to go into prostition not for money, but to satisfy their hypersexuality. 7. Unhealthy sex habits: children whose sexual molestation involved bondage, discipline, sadism or masochism... It may be difficult for them to have healthy sex habits. Except with conscious therapy, love making will sound alien to them as adults. There are young men today who are only attracted to way older women or married women because of who their abusers were. It's formed a mental picture and it has become some sort of rule for them to stay on the path. For others, multiple sex partners is normal. There are people today who are homosexuals because of their childhood sexual molestation activities. 8. Dealing with false image of your abusers gender: a young girl who's suffered sexual molestation for a period of time by different men at different times in her life will only see herself as an object for men. She would act and take decisions about men based on the experiences she's had with men. Dealing with this false generalization about men will take time and work on her path. This is easier with a therapist who would walk the path with her. 9. Blames // resentment towards guardians: for children yeah, the feeling that they should have be protected by their parents or guardians may never leave them. They may begin to resent their parents for not being protective or observant. This may grow into serious hatred especially if their abuser remains cordial with their abuser. I cannot deny the anger I felt when I told my parents about my abuser and they forgave him almost immediately when he apologized. But you know, the truth is, that is the victim's mentality. Right now I choose to consider myself as a warrior in the battle of life! 11.PTSD: Post traumatic stress disorder refers to any condition following childhood sexual molestation. This is basically unique to the abused. Some persons develop serious fear, lack of concentration as a result. 12.Losing yourself: sexual molestation can make people to lose their drive, sense of belonging, enthusiasm, interests making them a shadow of who they used to be. Suggested Ways You Should Handle Childhood Sexual Molestation By A Family Member 1. Truth is freedom: No matter how difficult this may seem, the first step to freedom is coming to terms with the fact that you have been sexually abused. I wish it was easier to always wish it is a dream. No warrior, life happened but you are alive! 2. Let it out as often as possible: for most people, bottling the pain never allows for healing. Finding an outlet such as talking to a therapist or someone who can let out the pain with as much as you can and as often as possible goes a long way. For me, just finding someone to listen every time I feel overwhelmed by the memory of my childhood molestation is always refreshing. I always feel lighter afterwards 3. Face the after effect boldly: for every childhood molestation case, the after effect is different for every warrior. From the examples given previously, whatever yours is, do not live in denial. Accepting that i was hypersexual after my abuse made me seek the needed help. 4. Allow yourself to heal as long as you want: while the trauma of childhood sexual abuse or molestation may take a little time for some people, others need a longer time to heal. Especially for those who were abused for a period, there are lots of learning, unlearning and relearning to do. Please give yourself time to heal and take life one day at a time. You do not have to rush into a dating after sexual abuse. You do not have to earn anyone's validation at your own detriment. Whatever it is, you are the best person to decide how long you want to heal. Heal consciously and intentionally. 5. Choose you over and over in love: while people especially in this part of the world are coming around how to handle sexually abused children, please choose you and love you passionately no matter what happened. Your childhood experiences do not have to define your adulthood. You may not be responsible for whatever happened to you in your childhood, but you have an opportunity now to take the wheel of your adulthood and make it what you want. This you have to do consciously without looking back. 6. Know your triggers and find a way around it: whatever reminds you of the terrible childhood sexual abuse experience is a trigger. Personally, stories of rape or rape scenes in movies, I avoid! It is important that you know your triggers so to know how best to deal with them. Sometimes you may find yourself in an environment where this is discussed and because everyone is entitled to their opinion, you may not like what you hear. Do well to leave such an environment, most times, ignorant people have the longest list of points. 7. You are the warrior/ protagonist in the script (don't give more to the enemy): whatever childhood sexual molestation dished you, please know that you are the main character in this play. You are the warrior and must not give room to more harm. Allowing your childhood molestation affect your adult hood is giving your abuser an upper hand in your life longer. Fight to change the narrative for you! You deserve the best life! Do not settle! 8. Become an advocate and save another person: nothing is as liberating as saving someone else from something you suffered. You do not have to have an NGO, but your experience can help you spot a child who needs help. Sometimes all you have to do is put a call through to the right authorities. Just be the help you would have needed in your childhood. You'd be glad you did. 9. Talk therapy: healing may take a little time, but the scar takes a longer time to wear away almost unnoticeably. Some scars are so glaring, it is hard to go a day or even an hour without being reminded of the event. It is no lie that you are a strong warrior. Sometimes you would need to be reminded that your scars are beauty marks. You need to be reminded that your scar is the gold medal for your strength. I strongly recommend talk therapy. Going through my healing process, I have discovered that sometimes when I feel overwhelmed with some unpleasant childhood memories, letting it out by just talking about it is great therapy. It is heartbreaking to know that sometimes when you may need to talk, there just may be no one to speak to. You can reach me NOW via this link: Or catch up with me on my social media channels. YouTube or Instagram @Ochanya D’mprez.