Help! Why Do I Feel This Way?

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Most times I feel like I'm called to be alone and no one else Is meant to be around me. I don't make friends or talk much, and I'm not really social as well , but the hand full of "friends" I have made so far are no where to be found cuz I can't maintain the friendship or the other party doesn't reciprocate and eventually we go our separate ways . After I lost my dad at 14, I became reserved and I moved in with a family for some 6years there about and all through my stay, I never really sat with them in the living room, during the evening hours when everyone is around having a good family time. In the beginning of my stay, I did enjoy those times with them for a year, but I never felt their love and support , so I pushed back and became reserved. I'm always locked up in my room and I never felt at home one bit. I'm emotional and I admire effort once I recognise one , I like the ernegy to be reciprocal if I ever choose to be friends with you. I've been in church for some 6yrs too, and I've never made one friend. Infact after service , I rush to the car to avoid interactions. It got to a point my pastor had noticed me, and had to advise me every end of the year to change. Some weeks ago, a lady approached me and asked for my number, she said she liked me and wants to be my friend, but I never returned the vibe and i think I've lost her too. I have a roommate in same department at school, whenever I'm quiet , he feels I'm keeping malice with him, but we really talk alot some days and I'm loud too around my company of friends in school , but not usually. Recently he just moved out and I'm alone right now, Because of him, I had friends, now he's gone, I think no one's gon' talk to me or need me anymore. I feel like I'm going to get worse. I don't have a circle or clique, Just me and I feel I'm alone with no parents, no friends, no siblings or associates. How long will I live so quiet like this?

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