I'm not really a writer, and this is not main account. I don't know where to start, but one thing I know is that I have come at the Nd of my journey here, the pain, the pressure, the failure, those words, I can't bear no more... Before you tell me to talk to God, since my childhood knowing where I come from and knowing the journey is not going to be an easy one for me, I have always put my faith in Him, but I feel betrayed.. once a smart kid with a promising future, but then the family struggle brought in depression, which affected my reading and my understanding, I lost one thing that made me happy, I lost interest in life, in friends, in family, in any thing that might bring joy, all I feel is pain and sadness, even though I don't get angry. I'm 24, but still not yet in school, no hand work, just usual daily labourer work. left secondary school 2015, saved up to continue life outside Nigeria, but then my dream travel to Germany was cut short because of someone's wickedness, then the stage two depression set in again I fought back, I tried to remain calm and happy as much as I can. once again I started saving again and then last year I tried my luck with the nursing schools, well I got them after writing the entrance exams but then no money to continue... it wasn't easy.. the money was much.. then I did the most foolish decision of my life, that has made me want to end it, I invested in Forex with the last I had, and shit it was a scam.. All through this year's of pain and sadness, I have been calling unto God, hoping things will get better, but it's not, last year my BP went above normal and I nearly died. well I think there is too much to tell but not everyone really want to read through. one thing for sure is there is no rest for me here, there is rest for me only in the other world.. last year I attempted suicide but it didn't work out, but this time for sure, I hope God is willing to send me to hell for believing and hoping things will get better for me.