We Use To Have Make Up Sex After Every Fight, How Do I Stop It?

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Conflicts are bound to happen in every healthy relationship. And your choice of action when they occur can either come off as Green Flag or Red flag or Yellow Flag. Before the whole "I'm tired of you... You nag a lot blah blah blah" then you start exchanging words. And in the blink of an eye, you've grabbed her neck, pinned her to the wall and you've started kissing furiously... Before we say "Jack", you both are naked having a steamy hot sex... Infact it was so rough that you enjoyed it in weird ways. I'd like you to know that what seem like a supposedly harmless action can be detrimental to the health of the relationship in the long run. B'cos... issues you refuse to iron out would always come back to hunt you. In a relationship/marriage, you don't wish issues away you deal with them. That's only how they go away for good or when they resurface they tend to do insignificant damages. You might be the type of partner that loves avoiding issues at all cost or pretend that it didn't happen or you the type that enjoys conflict whichever one you are, using make up sex to practice what I call "Sweeping issues under the rug syndrome" would eventually hurt you. I know you like sex. This fine. It shows you're human. But sex used wrongly can turn from a Green flag to a Yellow flag then to a Red flag. Alright for those reading my post for the first time I'd briefly explain the flags. Red flags are actions or behaviours that are negative and violate trust e.g. Lying. Yellow flags are actions or behaviours that highlight your differences from your partner that can be an issue in the long run e.g. Differences in interest/preferences. Green flags are actions or behaviours that are positive and means you can proceed with the relationship e.g. You can be yourself around your partner, empathy. Lol... Some people are of the opinion that after the sex, both couples will discuss the issue and iron it out. But sadly it doesn't play out like this most times. After the sex your brain forgets the issue and it's basking in the euphoria of what just happened. The issue that brought about the sex would most likely not cross you both minds. Hence using make up sex to deal with issues ain't the best way to go. So let's look at the alternatives to handling conflicts other than using make up sex. The Alternatives include: �� Be always ready to have those tough conversions by dealing with issues as they come Most times it ain't that small quarrel that break up the relationship rather it's the bottled up quarrels you shy away from talking about. You keep bottling them up by sweeping it under the rug. Here you are hurting and you just a walking bomb waiting to explode.In order to prevent this, deal with issues as they occur. �� Developed a habit of not letting any issue exceed a duration of 24 hours. �� Practice active listening. Be opened to allowing your partner vent in a healthy way. Stop invalidating your partner's feelings by Gaslighting or downplaying how much it hurt them. �� Be ready to take responsibility, make changes when necessary and provide clarity when needed. There would be less sweeping issues under the rug incidents if your partner feels heard and understood. So next time a negative situation or issue arises and you’re tempted to sweep it under the rug using make up sex, stop! Don’t brush it under the rug where it’s stays hidden and accumulates into a bigger problem. Brush it into the trash and then take the trash out. � So using hot sex to manipulate your partner inorder not to take responsibility or to avoid dealing with issues is obviously a RED FLAG.

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